Eartha Kitt
The Dark Truth About Xmas Music
Christmas time (i.e., any day right after Halloween) is when your radio is crammed with wholesome, spirit-lifting music about loved ones, faith, plus a fat guy in a red suit. But appearances could be deceiving. We generally overlook that Frosty the Snowman melts/dies at the stop of his song. Or that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was most likely 1 insult away from massacring his playmates. A lot of the world’s best-loved Christmas songs are next to nothing more than upsetting tales of death, helplessness, and despair. Take off your rose-colored glasses, because right here is the unsightly actuality of some of your respective favourite best christmas songs:
HAVE On your own A MERRY Tiny Xmas (written by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane, 1944. Performers include Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, and James Taylor)
The original version starts out with the gut-punching opening lyric, “Have on your own a merry tiny christmas songs It might be your last.” When Judy Garland nixed these lyrics as too depressing (the girl had instinct), the writers brightened it up a bit. Still, the final verses (“Someday quickly we all is going to be together/ If the fates allow/ Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow”) shows the song’s harsh message: Let’s enjoy this fleeting holiday while we can, due to the fact life is going to start sucking again real quickly.
SANTA BABY (written by Joan Javits & Philip Springer, 1953. Performers include Eartha Kitt, Madonna, and Kellie Pickler)
First of all, this is about the sluttiest Christmas song in existence. It’s about a woman flirting with Santa Claus so he’ll give her money (whether said woman is a stripper is up for interpretation)!!! A young attractive woman trying to woo a gross old guy for money? Sounds like this could have been written by Anna Nicole Smith circa 1994. Madonna’s 1987 version is particularly disturbing, from her Betty Boop-inspired vocalization to hearing her not-so-subtly ask Santa to “come and trim my Xmas tree.” I know that quote is taken out of context, but it just sounds so dirty coming from Madonna.
I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS (written by Tommie Connor, 1952. Performers include The Ronettes, The Jackson 5, and John Mellencamp)
The premise is that a boy comes downstairs on Christmas Eve to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus, but christmas songs classic finds his mother making out with the guy in red under the mistletoe. And we are led to believe that Santa is actually the boy’s father dressed up, so it’s all a jolly misunderstanding when the boy goes back to bed under the impression that his mother is a whore. But nowhere inside the song does it explicitly say that “Santa” is actually the narrator’s father. It may very well be anyone really. A neighbor having a fetish for pink satin. An elderly Salvation Army volunteer. Or the real Saint Nicholas (he is real, proper?)! And even if it was the boy’s father, so what? Walking in in your parents having sex is an awful enough memory, but seeing it happen on your preferred holiday is something that could ruin your Xmas memories forever.
Eartha Kitt – I Want To Be Evil (Live Kaskad 1962)
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Bruce Forsythe and Eartha Kitt – Tea Towel 100% Cotton – Art247 – Tea Towel – 46x70cm $20.49 100% Cotton. Made in UK. Size 70cms X 46cmsThis is an automated preview only. Actual Tea Towel design may vary. All products are hand finished by our expert manufacturers and the best crop available will always be selected…. |
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Elf: Music From The Major Motion Picture $4.93 It takes a pretty deft touch to make us believe towering Will Ferrell as a displaced human cum Santa’s elf, Ed Asner as St. Nick and make a Christmas movie that’s as loopy/sassy as it is seasonally sentimental. Yet that’s what director Jon Favreau has done with this unlikely little holiday gem, and his hand-picked song score underscores its warm heart and comedic smarts with charm to burn. Suffuse… |
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Santa Baby (Starbucks 2006) $39.98 15 track Cool Christmas Compilation… |
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The Emperor’s New Groove [VHS] $4.11 Originally developed as an epic called Kingdom of the Sun, The Emperor’s New Groove lost scale and most of Sting’s song score (some of which can be heard on the soundtrack) on its way to the screen. The end result is the lightest Disney film in many a moon, a joyous romp akin to Aladdin in its quotient of laughs for kids and adults. The original story centers on the spoiled teenage emperor Kuzco (… |
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Jungle Book: Mowgli’s Story [VHS] $5.22 Get ready for the wildest movie to ever come out of the jungle! THE JUNGLE BOOK: MOWGLI’S STORY is a hilarious, live-action adventure complete with the beloved characters from Rudyard Kipling’s timeless tale. The wise old panther Bagheera, life-is-just-a-bowl-of-cherries Baloo the Bear, and the nasty tiger Shere Khan are back — except this time they’re live and they “talk”! This all-new movie bri… |
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Ernest Scared Stupid [VHS] $9.99 … |
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The Emperor’s New Groove – The New Groove Edition $9.96 Originally developed as an epic called Kingdom of the Sun, The Emperor’s New Groove lost scale and most of Sting’s song score (some of which can be heard on the soundtrack) on its way to the screen. The end result is the lightest Disney film in many a moon, a joyous romp akin to Aladdin in its quotient of laughs for kids and adults. The original story centers on the spoiled teenage emperor Kuzco (… |
